Day 2

The idea for my resolution first started brewing a few months ago. My mom called me very upset about something that was happening to my brother and his wife. They are involved in a lawsuit that has been dragging on for years. My sister-in-law is permanently disabled as the result of a work related injury. I will spare you the sad details. Suffice to say, my mom was angry at the lawyers and insurance company representatives who seem unable to settle this claim. She was talking about how unfair this David and Goliath battle seems to be. I tried to empathize with her but found that I was frustrated with her position. It took me a while to figure out what was bothering me.

I kept coming back to the conversation I had with my mom over the next few days. I came to realize that I have spent much of my life angry over just the sort of injustice that my mother was talking about. Growing up, I was one of those kids who was always crying: “That’s not fair!” I lived in a poor neighborhood and was raised by a single mother. We moved a lot and I was often the “new kid” in school. These circumstances, no doubt, made me more aware of how power and privilege operate.

My mom is an incredible woman. She married to escape an abusive home and had me at the age of 17. I suppose that a lot of what she taught me about the world was based on her own experience: the experience of being not only a victim but also a fighter. The story she told me over and over again in so many ways went like this: life is not fair, people like us get abused and taken advantage of every day, we have to keep fighting back, it is the only way to keep our spirits alive. My mom taught me to be a warrior. As a warrior I learned, first and foremost, to identify my enemies.

That day on the phone, as I listened to my mom rail against the insurance companies and the lawyers, I found myself resisting. My mom was casting my brother and his wife as the victims, small and insignificant, waging an epic battle against enemies they have little chance of defeating. Looking back I came to realize that I had often cast myself and others in much the same way: me as the victim, those who disagree with or oppose me as the dominators, the oppressors, my enemies.