I have been studying nonviolent communication (NVC) (http://www.cnvc.org/) for a few years now. I know that NVC offers strategies and tools that can help people to connect more effectively. I have seen the evidence that NVC works in my own life, particularly in my relationships with my partner and with my son. However, I still struggle with this habit I have of making enemies. It happens all the time. For example, I went into Walgreens a few days ago. I picked up an item that appeared to be on sale. When I got to the checkout the sale price did not ring up. I went back and showed the cashier that the sale price was displayed on the shelf. She said: “Oh, someone forgot to remove the label.” I was immediately angry. At the risk of sounding petty, I really did see that cashier as my enemy. She wasn’t just a young woman trying to make a living, she was a representative of “the man,” this big, ugly corporation that was trying to rip me off.
The incident at Walgreen’s really made me think. How can I begin to deconstruct the thinking that leads to making enemies and has, in the past, led me to act in aggressive ways? It seems to me that awareness is the key. So often my actions seem automatic because I am unaware of the thoughts that led to my behavior. I need to learn to slow down my thinking and be more mindful. One of my heroes is the Dali Lama. Can you imagine being exiled by invaders who seemingly have no right to your homeland? I imagine myself in this situation as full of rage. The Dali Lama, however, is the picture of peace. How does he do that? That is one of the questions I intend to explore this year.
My intention in this blog is to examine my thoughts, feelings, habits and other behaviors on a daily basis to see when and how I am inclined to make enemies. I hope that by being more aware I will learn to act in more compassionate ways.
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