I used to work in a psychiatric hospital where they use something called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) to label the various forms of pathology that patients presented with. What I learned is that if you observe people closely and you search the manual carefully, you can find a psychiatric disorder to fit just about anyone. As my partner says: "No one emerges from the DSM unscathed."
Anyway, my official diagnosis is anxiety. It is like a Gremlin that has followed me through most of my life. Sometimes he is relatively quiet - I hardly notice that he is there. Other times he is loud and obnoxious. He likes to focus on the "what ifs." What if you don't find a job? What if you get sick? What if your husband / son / mother / friend is in an accident? He likes to wake me up at 3:00 a.m. with his insipid questioning.
Today that little Gremlin seems to have taken over. I woke up worried about an upcoming medical appointment. It is just for a few routine tests. But, what if they find something? I lose my insurance in a few months when I graduate from the PhD program I have been in for 5 years. Oh, and about that. What am I going to do with the rest of my life?
Bottom line...I am scared. Wow, just writing those words made the Gremlin shrink just a little. Maybe acceptance is his kryptonite.
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