I just told a friend that I am a "praise whore" meaning that I will do just about anything for a few "atta girls." This isn't entirely accurate. I'm more like a "praise junkie." Come to think of it, praise is a lot like smack. In the beginning it makes you feel great, no problem. Then you start to crave it. You want more and more. You and those you love are shocked by what you are willing to do to get that high. Ultimately, when you don't have it you're sick, you feel like you might die. OK, maybe that's a little melodramatic but you get the picture.
I have gone through periods in my life when my actions were the subject of praise: in school, in jobs, in relationships...It feels great but the fear sets in immediately. You start to think: they love me know but what if I screw up...Oh, my God I can't screw up. You know it's only a matter of time. You will screw up. Once you've been put on a pedestal the fall is so much more painful.
So now I am a little leery of praise. I tell myself: don't believe everything they say, even if it feels great to hear it. Because if I believe what they say when I am up, on top of the world, don't I also have to accept the bad press...oh yeah, there will inevitably be bad press.
Marshall Rosenberg talks about an alternative to praise. He encourages people to share with him what he does or can do to make their lives more enjoyable. This sounds more like a shot of vitamin B than a fix. Still, this praise thing might be a hard habit to break.
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