Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Day 18

Have you ever had this conversation:

You: Do you want to go out to dinner?

Other: Sure. Where do you want to go?

You: I don't know. Where do you want to go?

Other: I don't know. You decide.

I have it all the time with my partner and it sometimes goes on for an embarrassingly long time. Sometimes we give up and eat at home.

Why is it so hard to ask for what I want? Probably because most of the time I'm not even sure what I want. I suppose that most of us are not encouraged as children to know our needs, much less ask others to accommodate them.

So here I am a middle age (ugh) person in transition with so many possible roads to choose from and I find myself hesitating. What road should I choose? What do I really want? It's like trying to tune an old AM radio. Mostly I hear static. Other times I get a DJ blaring in Spanish or country-western. Neither suit my ears. I guess I'll just keep fiddling with the knobs until I get it right. I suspect it will sound something like Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah.

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