A friend called me a few days ago. Her life is a sea of change. She talked about navigating the narrow canals of transition. I listened, confident that she would stay afloat and find her way. By contrast, yesterday my son shared with me some of his anxieties about his current circumstances. I was filled with fear. I know I reflected that back to him. I so want to give my son the same calm presence that I gave my friend. The problem is that sometimes I have trouble figuring out where he ends and I begin.
When I was in my 20s I read this book by Whitley Strieber about his alleged abduction by aliens. He talked about his fear of death and more specifically of leaving behind his wife and young son. He said that the aliens impregnated him with a radical idea that alleviated his fear. It was as if they planted this message in his brain: You are on a separate path from those you love. Your wife and your son each have their own paths. Your paths intersect, but they are not one and the same. I remember reading this and longing to be abducted.
Around the same time, when my son was about 7, I was consumed by anxiety over his potential death (he was perfectly healthy, I was not). I talked with a minister about my fears. She said: "You receive God's love through your son. Your son is the vessel, not the source. Even if you lost your son, God's love would still be there for you."
I have tried for years to integrate these two messages: one from the aliens, the other from a woman of God. This morning I turned on one of those morning shows. They had a segment on traveling solo. I'm trying to figure out how to do that. Paradoxically it may be the key to our connection.
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