Friday, April 16, 2010

Day 106

I am on the board for a local nonprofit community service agency. Our mission is to provide conflict resolution services. In the last year we have received only one referral. I am frustrated because I see our mission as a commitment to the community - a commitment we are not honoring.

I have been thinking a lot about what I want to get out of this organization, how I might further my career through my involvement, at the very least how I might spin my service to enhance my resume. I was frustrated because the other board members seemed to be standing in my way. They were holding the organization back by their plodding focus on administrative tasks, their refusal to ask the hard questions and dream bigger. I wanted to respond to their burn out by taking charge and ordering them to get behind me or get out of my way. In the past I have often been able to bulldoze my way to success but not without paying a price.

We had a board meeting today (Friday). On Wednesday I decided that I needed to forge ahead and attempt to take the reigns of the organization. I began to mentally prepare myself for the fight. I didn't sleep well Wednesday night. On Thursday a new question popped into my head. What do I have to offer this organization? What do I have to give?

I started to think about my newly acquired skills as a researcher and how the organization really needs to collect information about community needs relevant to our mission. I started to envision a community based action research project. For years I've wanted to lead such a project. As these ideas continued to peculate I was amazed at how much more expansive I felt. My anger was replaced by excitement and joyful anticipation.

I went to the meeting and offered my services as a researcher. My offer was gratefully acknowledged and received. I am amazed at the power of such a simple question. What can I give? Only one word and a world away from another question. What can I get?

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