My partner Bill is occasionally a little grumpy. I used to take this personally. If he was in a bad mood I was convinced that it must be my fault (the whole world revolves around me after all). I would sometimes respond by being extra nice, trying to make amends for whatever I had done to bring on his foul mood. Other times I would get defensive. How dare he be so grumpy with a wonderful partner like me? Either way, I was so involved with me that I couldn't be there for him.
Now when I observe signs of grumpiness I stop and remind myself that his mood is not about me. I detach which, ironically, allows me to be more compassionate. I ask how he is doing. I listen. I offer support. If he needs space I give him that.
I may even learn to enjoy his pain (and my own) by recognizing that it is an opportunity for genuine connection. For now, baby steps...
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