I am convinced that sometimes, certain people really are out to get me. OK, maybe it's not so much about me. Maybe they just want to elevate their own status. Maybe they only know one way to do that. In order to feel superior, they have to create a dynamic within which I am perceived as inferior. They get to be one up by knocking me down a few pegs. I am trying to learn to deal with these people without engaging in pissing matches.
I currently have a student in an online class who likes to send me little email reminders of my shortcomings as a teacher. I would like to respond with, "You arrogant little prick..." But somehow I do not think that this would be an effective way to teach him that in fact he is acting like an arrogant little prick.
Instead, I try to reflect back to him what I hear him saying, "It sounds like you think you know more about how to teach this class than I do...It sounds like you are frustrated with my teaching methods...It sounds like you have a lot of ideas about changes you would like to see in this class..." My hope is that I can serve as a mirror. Perhaps he will see that he is trying to one up me and that this is not an effective strategy for empowering himself. Or maybe he will continue to be an arrogant little prick.
Actually I know that he is not (an arrogant little prick). Name calling is my way of attacking back. When I really try to empathize, I see that he is probably someone who has been hurt by people in authority. He attacks because he is scared. How can I help him feel safe? I can try to be more transparent. I put all my cards on the table and communicate my intentions. Who knows, maybe we'll both learn a thing or two.
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