The women's retreat I went to over the weekend is hosted by a group of women who have been meeting for 18 years. They always provide a safe place for any woman who wants to join them. I first started going to their retreats about 7 years ago when I was in a very difficult place in my life.
I was newly married and my partner was very sick. I was overwhelmed and filled with righteous self-pity; My first husband developed a chronic illness the first year we were married. There was a lot of "Why me?" I was flooded with grief over my lost dreams. It seemed to me that the joy just seeped from my life.
Lucinda Williams sings a song about joy with this refrain: "You took my joy and I want it back." For years I felt that way; I wanted my joy back. This weekend, at the retreat, I realized that I got my joy back. I'm not sure exactly when or why it happened. It took 7 long years of grieving but my joy returned.
At this point, I'm trying not to hold onto my joy too tightly.
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