I was at an event last week where I met this woman who teaches conflict management at a major university. I was immediately drawn to her. However, when she told me that she really wasn't all that interested in mediation, I found myself fantasizing about how I might swoop in and steal her job away. Then she told me that the field of mediation is filled with middle class white women. With a sneer she said, "They're all just so nice." What a bitchy thing to say. I just hate judgy people. Out of my need to be liked and defend my newly chosen vocation, I immediately tried to convince her that I wasn't as nice as I looked. I only wish I had colored my hair and nails black and worn my dog collar that day. In the end, it was obvious that she lumped me together with all the other "nice" mediators.
I have often been labeled as "nice" and it really pisses me off. In fact, a few hours later someone else at the event came up to me and I swear to God, she said, "You look just like a doll I have at home." I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants (think Betsy Wetsy). But seriously, a doll. No wonder people think I'm nice. No wonder people sometimes refuse to take me seriously.
In our culture nice people seldom get taken seriously. We watch Judge Judy and listen to Rush Limbaugh because their nasty. When the chips are down nobody wants to be on the side of nice. Nice gets you nowhere. For a long time I tried to cultivate my inner bitch. Occasionally when I got really pissed off I let her out to play. It wasn't nearly as satisfying as I imagined. The truth is: I have way more practice being nice. Women in our culture are reward for being nice. The problem, as I see it, is that sometimes I have sacrificed honesty in order to be nice.
Today I am trying to live more honestly, more authentically. Screw nice.
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