Many problems in my life are created by not trusting my feelings. I have been trained to trust my thoughts instead.
Imagine, for example, that my dream is to be an opera singer. I invite a group of friends to hear me perform. I tell them afterwards that I would like their honest feedback about my performance. They hem and haw and tell me that they love the dress I was wearing. I feel disappointed. Why? Because my need for honesty was not being met.
Instead of repeating my request for honest feedback, I often do something else. I start to think. I think about why they might have responded as they did. I think about the words they used and what the words might mean. I start to attach all kinds of meaning to their words. I think about whether or not my feelings are justified. I weave stories that serve as justification.
I get into trouble when, instead of trusting my feelings, I think about my feelings and make up all kinds of stories related to them. Feelings are nothing more and nothing less than fingers pointing to needs. Needs can be caught and released or translated into requests. Requests allow is to claim our power in the world. But first, we have to pay attention to the feelings.
I just had a discussion with another friend about this. How we get hurt or angered and then we start making all kinds of assumptions. I am trying to learn to recognize the feeling (ouch, that hurt) and stay with it long enough to feel it and figure out where it came from--then try to calm those little demon voices that make all the assumptions-(oh they don't like me or what I did). Your last paragraph sums it all up so beautifully--thanks.
ReplyDelete