Day 198

I was talking with a friend a few days ago about her relationship with her mother. It is a relationship that has caused her a lot of pain. She feels that she can never please her mother. She gets drawn in by this need to try to take care of her mother and soothe her gaping wounds. But, like a bucket with a hole in the bottom, her mother is never filled up, she never experiences a sense of wholeness.

My experience in the mother-daughter department could not be more different. My mother has always expressed her appreciation for me in so many ways. I have always understood that there is at least one person in the world who loves me unconditionally. What a remarkable gift. She taught me how to love which is amazing given that she had no teachers of her own.

My father, on the other hand, was absent from my life in every way. He was an alcoholic, incapable of loving anything more than the bottle. He taught me lessons that my mother could not. He taught me that I can withstand rejection and abandonment if I remember to never reject or abandon myself. He taught me about my own strength and self-determination. Perhaps most importantly, he taught me that there is a time for letting go and accepting what is.

I am grateful to both of my parents for very different reasons. I have heard it said that we choose our parents for what they have to teach us. I don't know about that. What I do know is that there is something to be learned in every relationship. The Rolling Stones said it best: "If you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need."