I observed something interesting a few days ago and I keep returning to it in my mind. I was in a small group of people. One member of the group kept droning on about topics that appeared to be of little interest to the rest of us. There was very little response - only nervous smiles and polite nods. It was as if we were being held hostage - we didn't offer any resistance.
I heard an expert on crime once say that women are sometimes raped and/or killed because they are too nice. He offered this scenario: a woman in a mall parking lot is approached by a man who offers to help with her bags. She feels uneasy but acquiesces. She may even give him her car keys because she doesn't want to be rude. She makes herself vulnerable. His advice: listen to your fear.
I say listen not only to your fear; Listen to your boredom, your anger, your frustration, your sadness. They point to unmet needs. Marshall Rosenberg talks about being in meetings where his needs are not being met. Sometimes he gets up and leaves. Is he being rude or merely taking care of himself?
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