I have been very efficient lately - tearing through my to-do lists like a woman on fire. This is good, right?
There is one little problem. I suppose it can be labeled as a matter of pride. I have taken a great deal of pride in my recent small accomplishments - sternly patting myself on the back at every turn. I even bragged to a friend yesterday about how much I am getting done, excitedly describing the progress made toward my goals.
Now, I find my motivation waning. I want to take a break...take a slower pace....enjoy my friends and family...enjoy the summer and the freedom of being done with school. But I am addicted to my own praise. I find it hard to feel good about myself if I am not marking items off the list.
It's amazing how much power I have given a few words scribbled on a sheet of notebook paper. Perhaps I need to remind myself: I am not my to-do list. I am not defined by what I accomplish.
Perhaps to-do lists are our ways of filling space and saving face when we are weary from dealing with life's important questions, when we need to just feel like we are in control again. Sometimes a to-do list is a reprieve from deeper questions, a way to disengage from others for a time, a place to rest for a while. Beyond to-do lists are family, friends, lovers, mountains, rivers, forests, rocks, music, joy, sorrow, choices, hopes, dreams, being. Yeah, you are not your to-do list, and it sounds like it is time to lose it behind the family couch.
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