Day 54

I find myself in conflict with my adviser over my dissertation. She thinks that certain changes need to be made. I don't deny that there is room for improvement but I disagree with her recommendations. What now?

I am a trained mediator and I am trying to wear my mediator hat in this situation. Of course, it is always easier to mediate other people's conflicts. I recognize that I am by no means neutral and impartial. Still there are lessons from mediation that can be applied here.

Here's the plan:

1. Get clarification. I need to make sure that I understand what she is asking me to do and why she is asking me to do it.

2. I need to clearly articulate my own needs.

3. I need to look for common ground.

4. I need to find win-win solutions to our disagreements. The goal is to create an agreement that meets my needs as well as hers, an agreement we both feel good about.

One important lesson I've learned through mediation is that people often have a need to "save face." We each have a certain image of ourselves that needs to be protected. It's pure ego stuff. However, if, as a mediator, I fail to provide the opportunity for individuals to preserve this image, the mediation will often fail.

I have all this in mind as I prepare to meet with my adviser tomorrow. Funny, my dissertation somehow seems secondary. The really important lessons always seem to be about the relationships.