Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Day 46

I committed to participate in a couple of events that are fast approaching. The closer they get, the more resistant I seem to be. Frankly, at this point, I don't want to attend these event, let alone contribute in ways I have already agreed to. I feel frustrated and angry because I tell myself I do not have a choice; I have to attend. This is not entirely true.

I had a friend who's husband lost his job. They agreed that he would take a job in another part of the state. As the move approached my friend found herself getting more and more angry. I said to her, "You don't have to go." This only seemed to make her angrier. She adamantly held to her conviction, saying, "Of course I have to go. I don't have any choice in the matter."

My point was that she could decide to stay where she was and she and her husband could separate. She was going because she loved her husband and wanted to be near him. It was a choice.

This is something I often forget. I always have a choice. I believe that it was Victor Frankl who talked about the ballerina who danced her way to the gas chamber. We may not be able to chose our circumstances but we can always chose our response.

This freedom of choice carries with it an awesome responsibility. Perhaps that's why I cling to my self-righteous frustration and resistance instead.

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