I have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. One of my earliest memories is of playing at a friend's house when I heard an ambulance in the distance. I ran home as fast as I could because I was worried that it might be going to my house. I never know what might provoke my anxiety.
For a few weeks my anxiety level has been escalating, like a barometer I can feel rising by degrees. It is particularly intense at night when I can't sleep and watch infomercials instead. I always try to identify the source as if that will alleviate the tug of war I feel inside. Sometimes it's hard to narrow it down to just one or two things. There are competing stressors.
Lately I've been thinking that perhaps it's not so important to identify the source of my anxiety. Maybe it's not something I can think my way out of. Instead, I try to just pay attention. Where is the tension in my body? How does it arise and move through? What is the tension saying to me?
Sometimes just being present to my discomfort is helpful. I find myself placing my hand on my abdomen, over the place where the knot usually lies and doing the only thing I know to do. I breath.
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