Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Day 52

Bill has a bumper sticker that reads: Don't believe everything you think. Good advice. I would add a caveat: Be especially cautious of thoughts that wake you up at 3:00 a.m. Thoughts that occur when we are tired, hungry, angry or depressed are especially suspect. So why is that these thoughts sound so authoritative and sure?

The particular stream of thought that woke me this morning at 3:00 sounded something like this: That dissertation you've been working on is pure nonsense. The last two years have been a total mind fuck. You will probably be laughed out of the conference you are scheduled to present at later in the week, that is if you can manage to get it together to present. LOSER!

I know, the gremlins in my head are brutal. I have been struggling all day to recover from this self-inflicted mental beating. Needless to say, I didn't get much work done on that presentation that I am scheduled to make on Friday.

I have one more day left to get this presentation together. I have often found at times like this, when I get myself backed in a corner, that the best strategy is to give up, surrender, quit trying. Sometimes just sitting with the frustration and fear gives it room to rise and dissipate, like smoke that has clouded my vision. Sitting helps me prepare myself for beginning again. Isn't that what life is all about?

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