A few days ago, in church, the minister encouraged the congregation to love without limits, the way Jesus did. She told a story about a member of the congregation who worked in a prison. There was a prisoner who was very difficult, a real grouch. She decided to bombard him with kindness. In a very short time she saw an amazing transformation in this man. The minister's point being that we can change the world with kindness and compassion.
I found several aspects of her story unsettling. First, was the implication that love always looks the same. Love isn't always hugs and kisses, rainbows and sunshine. To love someone, in my opinion, means that I give them what they need. If someone is pushing me away by their actions, perhaps I should respect their wish for space and privacy. Second, was the assumption that I can or should change others. It is not my place to change the behavior of other people. To behave in a certain way with the expectation that others will change is not only manipulative, it is also a path to frustration.
As for me, I choose kindness and compassion because of the impact it has on my heart and I know that kindness and compassion sometimes come disguised as indifference or a kick in the pants.
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