Day 126

I used to work for a psychiatric hospital. I didn't care much for the work but I loved the language. One of my favorite psychiatric terms is free floating anxiety. Like a toxic gas it lingers and persists. I prefer the term free flitting to describe my own anxiety. It is like a hummingbird that flits from one thought to the next. It will feed on my fears about the oil spill in the gulf for a few moments before moving on to thoughts of my son's progress in college.

I hate this little bird that flits in and out of my consciousness. It makes me reluctant to sit or otherwise quiet down; I do not want to be alone with it. I want to capture and eradicate it, although all of my previous efforts have failed. I read a story once about a man who invited his Doppelganger for tea. Perhaps I need to invite the little hummingbird, my anxiety, to tea. Perhaps I need to embrace it, accept it, allow it to be; Perhaps it has something to teach me. Maybe I will stop resisting and start paying attention.