Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Day 125

I was listening to a friend yesterday recount the struggles she has had with her sister. I was pleased to realized that I am not currently involved in any conflicts with anyone. My family relationships are harmonious, I love and enjoy my friends, and since I work at home it's easy to avoid office conflict. I started to feel a little smug. I must be approaching enlightenment; I am a beacon of peace; Gandhi would be proud.

This morning I sent off a short story to my writing group. I felt good about the piece and looked forward to their feedback. A few hours later I received an email from another member of the group. She also wrote a short piece for consideration by the group. I immediately opened the document and read every word. It wasn't just good; it was breathtaking. I appointed myself judge in an imaginary writing contest between the two of us. Clearly I was the loser. How dare she submit such a beautiful piece of prose?

It really is that easy for me to move from a position of peace and tranquility to imaginary combat. I so want to be the winner, even if it means alienating myself from other people. When will I stop trying to prove how special I am?

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