I had lunch with some friends yesterday. We talked about a group that we had all participated in. I stated that there was one person in the group who dominated. My friends were quick to defend this person: Oh, no, I don't think he dominated. What I intended as a statement of observation they heard as a judgement.
I came home and looked up the word dominate in the thesaurus. It can mean monopolize, which is the way I used it. It can also mean subjugate and tyrannize, which is the way my friends heard it.
Bottom line, it's not what we say but what they hear that matters. Perceived judgements have a way of shutting down communication.
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