I few weeks ago someone told me that I am a little self-absorbed. Ouch! In reality it wasn't that painful, in part because it wasn't hurled in anger as an accusation. It was, instead, a statement based on observation of behavior. Also, I recognized the truth in it.
I think that we are all self-absorbed. Maybe we're just built that way. Some of is, especially women, work hard to hide this character trait, pretending to always be altruistic and to harbor nothing but concern for others. This is, at best, dishonest. It can, at times, be dangerous and destructive.
No, I do not aim to be unselfish. I aim to be self-aware. Unfortunately, I have developed a habit of being self-conscious instead. The distinction is subtle yet significant. Being self-conscious is about maintaining the facade, convincing others that the mask I wear is real. It is all about ego. Being self-aware means that I am focused on my experiences in the here and now, without attaching myself to them. I am aware of my thoughts and feelings without clinging.
It is a practice that begins and ends with the statement: Right now I am aware that...
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