Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Day 251

I have always believed that the truth is simple. That's one reason I was drawn to nonviolent communication; it's simple. By focusing our interactions on needs (what I need; what you need) we can avoid and resolve conflicts. Unfortunately, we humans just love to complicate things.

What are the factors that get in the way of nonviolent communication process? First, most of us don't know how to ask for what we need so we resort to covert methods to get our needs met. Instead of asking for a birthday party (to meet my need for appreciation and affection) I get angry and resentful when I don't get one.

The feelings are a clue - they point to the need. It's simple. Well, not really, because most of us have a limited range of emotion that we feel comfortable expressing. Anger is my go-to emotion. If I have an unmet need for love or affection, I get angry. If I have an unmet need for clarity or self-expression, I get angry. If I have a need for a bagel and I can't find one, I get angry. Some people get sad. Some people get afraid. It is difficult to identify the need when every need comes cloaked in the same feeling.

OK, nonviolent communication is simple. People are messy.

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