I had several friends celebrating accomplishments recently. On the outside I am celebrating with them: smiling, hugging, singing their praises . On the inside I am jealous; carefully keeping that little green monster from showing through. It is a miserable strain. Mostly because I feel guilty for feeling jealous: suffering on top of suffering.
There is a way out but it is not easy. I try to identify the unmet needs under these feelings of jealousy. The needs that seem most prominent are those for inclusion, respect and security. Observing my friends as they approach exciting new opportunities brings these needs into focus. There is nothing left to do but feel the feelings, empathize with myself and focus my energy on developing and enacting strategies to meet my needs. Why isn't there a pill I can take instead?
Jealousy is such a complex emotion--it feels like betrayal and can be followed by ferocious rage. Getting down to one's original feelings is so difficult...because those kind of feelings seem to come from the depths of one's soul--buried somehwere beneath our day to day feelings and surprising us right in the midst of what we think is a moment of joy--Oh I am so glad you got that job...Yeah you should have a place for yourself that reflects who you are and gives you the respect you should have for all the hard work, expertise, and humanity that you have.
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